1 00:00:01,755 --> 00:00:04,543 Okay, how about this? If you let me have Jake this Easter, 2 00:00:04,544 --> 00:00:06,947 you can have him the Fourth of July and Labor Day. 3 00:00:06,948 --> 00:00:08,710 No. That doesn't work for me at all. 4 00:00:08,710 --> 00:00:10,793 How about I give you all the Jewish holidays? 5 00:00:10,794 --> 00:00:13,132 When did we become Jewish, Alan? 6 00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:15,534 It's still holidays. 7 00:00:20,633 --> 00:00:23,035 Your brother's a schmuck. 8 00:00:24,063 --> 00:00:26,787 What are they arguing about now? 9 00:00:26,787 --> 00:00:28,324 It's actually kind of ironic. 10 00:00:28,325 --> 00:00:30,921 They're arguing about who gets you on what days. 11 00:00:30,922 --> 00:00:33,323 That is ironic. 12 00:00:33,389 --> 00:00:35,408 You know what "ironic" means? 13 00:00:35,409 --> 00:00:37,810 No, but I trust you. 14 00:00:39,094 --> 00:00:43,100 What's ironic is while they're arguing about who gets you, I get you. 15 00:00:43,101 --> 00:00:47,135 And you know what? It's not such a big deal. 16 00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:50,825 No offense, but let's face it, you're 10. 17 00:00:50,826 --> 00:00:53,228 I can't take you to Vegas, we can't double-date. 18 00:00:53,229 --> 00:00:56,914 And when was the last time you picked up a check, you mooch? 19 00:00:56,915 --> 00:00:59,316 I'm almost 1 1. 20 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:01,594 Okay, I think we've got it. 21 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,934 I get him Thanksgiving, you get him Halloween. 22 00:01:03,935 --> 00:01:06,337 You get him Christmas Eve, I get him Christmas Day. 23 00:01:06,338 --> 00:01:10,023 -I get him Yom Kippur. -And I get Hanukkah. 24 00:01:10,024 --> 00:01:12,745 Hey, guys, I just found out. 25 00:01:13,004 --> 00:01:16,203 Jake's birthday is, like, in a week. 26 00:01:17,107 --> 00:01:19,508 Shouldn't we make plans? 27 00:01:20,216 --> 00:01:22,331 You're right, he's a schmuck. 28 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,580 What? 29 00:01:23,581 --> 00:01:26,145 We know when his birthday is, Charlie. We were there. 30 00:01:26,146 --> 00:01:29,286 But only one of us got a needle shoved in their spine. 31 00:01:29,287 --> 00:01:31,688 You begged for that. 32 00:01:32,235 --> 00:01:35,664 Anyway, you, me, and Mom are taking Jake to a show at the Magic Castle. 33 00:01:35,665 --> 00:01:36,754 You invited Mom? 34 00:01:36,754 --> 00:01:39,863 You want to tell her she can't come to her grandchild's birthday? 35 00:01:39,864 --> 00:01:42,202 'Cause believe me, I tried. 36 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,549 Oh, man. 37 00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:44,959 Look at the bright side. 38 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:48,131 Maybe we can bribe one of the magicians to get her sawed in half. 39 00:01:48,132 --> 00:01:51,785 Or better still, thrown in a wood chipper. 40 00:01:51,786 --> 00:01:55,888 Judith and her sister are going to join us as well. 41 00:01:55,889 --> 00:01:57,972 Which sister, the brunette or the blonde? 42 00:01:57,973 --> 00:01:59,862 The brunette. Why? 43 00:01:59,863 --> 00:02:03,100 Just curious. I never slept with the blonde. 44 00:02:03,101 --> 00:02:05,920 And you're not gonna sleep with the brunette again, either. 45 00:02:05,921 --> 00:02:07,811 Relax, that was 12 years ago. 46 00:02:07,812 --> 00:02:09,029 Well, thank you. 47 00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:13,266 Let's just wait till we get a look at her now. 48 00:02:22,844 --> 00:02:24,382 Happy birthday! 49 00:02:24,382 --> 00:02:26,593 A magic set? Awesome. 50 00:02:26,594 --> 00:02:30,935 How lovely. Perhaps he'll grow up to be a carny. 51 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:36,754 It includes 14 different illusions that will amaze and astound your friends. 52 00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:40,054 But, of course, your friends may be smarter than mine. 53 00:02:40,055 --> 00:02:42,682 -Cool! -Have fun at the Magic Castle. 54 00:02:42,683 --> 00:02:44,253 Aren't you coming with us? 55 00:02:44,254 --> 00:02:47,394 I wish I could, but I gotta go to some clown's wedding. 56 00:02:47,395 --> 00:02:49,189 I'll try and come back for cake, okay? 57 00:02:49,190 --> 00:02:51,625 -Thanks a lot, Rose. -You're welcome. Bye, Evelyn. 58 00:02:51,626 --> 00:02:54,037 Bye-bye. Thank you so much. 59 00:02:54,446 --> 00:02:56,112 Poor soul. 60 00:02:56,113 --> 00:02:58,514 I'm sure she meant well. 61 00:02:58,870 --> 00:03:00,150 Now. 62 00:03:00,151 --> 00:03:02,553 Open Grandmommy's present. 63 00:03:04,735 --> 00:03:07,010 -Clothes? -Happy birthday. 64 00:03:07,011 --> 00:03:09,412 Thanks a lot, but clothes? 65 00:03:09,702 --> 00:03:12,009 Not clothes, darling. 66 00:03:12,010 --> 00:03:14,412 It's Calvin Klein. 67 00:03:15,471 --> 00:03:17,714 No, it's clothes. 68 00:03:17,715 --> 00:03:21,047 Believe me, sweetheart, the girls are gonna love you in this. 69 00:03:21,048 --> 00:03:22,747 What girls? 70 00:03:22,748 --> 00:03:25,888 All right, the other boys will be envious. 71 00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:28,655 The other boys will beat me up. 72 00:03:29,062 --> 00:03:33,077 Well, there's just no pleasing you, is there? 73 00:03:34,831 --> 00:03:37,009 Almost ready? Judith and Liz will be here soon. 74 00:03:37,010 --> 00:03:39,412 Liz. Thank you. 75 00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:43,707 Boy, that would have been embarrassing. 76 00:03:43,708 --> 00:03:46,208 Charlie, please don't make a bad situation worse. 77 00:03:46,209 --> 00:03:48,836 Judith and Liz have been at each other's throats for years. 78 00:03:48,837 --> 00:03:49,989 -Why's that? -I don't know. 79 00:03:49,990 --> 00:03:52,778 Maybe it's because Liz was always more popular. 80 00:03:52,779 --> 00:03:54,701 Maybe because Judith was smarter. 81 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:57,458 Maybe, and this is just a theory on my part, 82 00:03:57,459 --> 00:03:59,541 it had something to do with the fact that 83 00:03:59,542 --> 00:04:04,189 Liz did my brother in the coatroom at our wedding reception. 84 00:04:04,190 --> 00:04:07,340 Well, no secret why she was popular. 85 00:04:10,664 --> 00:04:13,483 At our wedding reception, Charlie. 86 00:04:13,484 --> 00:04:14,958 In the coatroom. 87 00:04:14,959 --> 00:04:17,600 You were louder than the band. 88 00:04:19,189 --> 00:04:22,009 Hey, you make it sound so sleazy. 89 00:04:22,010 --> 00:04:24,748 I'm sorry. Class it up for me. 90 00:04:25,792 --> 00:04:28,259 Okay, to begin with, we were on a mink coat. 91 00:04:28,260 --> 00:04:30,661 Goodbye. 92 00:04:32,266 --> 00:04:34,677 And I was wearing a tuxedo. 93 00:04:35,311 --> 00:04:37,490 It's an 1 1-year-old's birthday party. 94 00:04:37,491 --> 00:04:40,661 You could've at least put on a bra. 95 00:04:40,759 --> 00:04:43,219 Some of us don't need bras. 96 00:04:44,093 --> 00:04:46,496 Some of us have had husbands and children. 97 00:04:46,497 --> 00:04:48,898 I've had husbands. 98 00:04:51,144 --> 00:04:53,644 And please, would you behave yourself with Charlie? 99 00:04:53,645 --> 00:04:54,925 -What do you mean? -I mean, 100 00:04:54,926 --> 00:04:59,797 I don't want a repeat of what happened in the coatroom at my wedding reception. 101 00:04:59,798 --> 00:05:02,199 That was Charlie? 102 00:05:03,612 --> 00:05:06,240 Hey, soul sisters. Come on in. 103 00:05:06,241 --> 00:05:07,425 Hello, Alan. 104 00:05:07,426 --> 00:05:09,540 Alan, you look fantastic. 105 00:05:09,541 --> 00:05:12,009 I guess single life really agrees with you. 106 00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:13,611 You know, 107 00:05:13,612 --> 00:05:14,829 doing okay. 108 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:17,201 Starting over, landed on my feet. 109 00:05:17,202 --> 00:05:19,508 Like a cat. 110 00:05:19,509 --> 00:05:20,759 Hey, Mom. 111 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,970 Hey, sweetie. Hi. 112 00:05:22,971 --> 00:05:25,470 -Hey, Aunt Liz. -There's my favorite nephew. 113 00:05:25,471 --> 00:05:27,457 Happy birthday, sweetie. 114 00:05:27,458 --> 00:05:29,859 It isn't clothes, is it? 115 00:05:30,503 --> 00:05:32,360 This is a surprise. 116 00:05:32,361 --> 00:05:33,578 Hello, Evelyn. 117 00:05:33,579 --> 00:05:36,471 It's not a surprise. I told her. 118 00:05:36,689 --> 00:05:40,810 You're looking very well. Slimming down nicely. 119 00:05:41,432 --> 00:05:44,688 Thanks. I recently dropped 160 pounds. 120 00:05:47,746 --> 00:05:50,147 152. 121 00:05:51,496 --> 00:05:53,897 I take Pilates. 122 00:05:57,650 --> 00:05:58,835 Hey, everybody. 123 00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:01,110 Uncle Charlie, look what Aunt Liz got me. 124 00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,745 Awesome. 125 00:06:02,746 --> 00:06:05,309 I don't suppose you thought to buy him a safety helmet. 126 00:06:05,310 --> 00:06:10,420 You ride with Aunt Liz, you take your chances. Right, Liz? 127 00:06:13,131 --> 00:06:15,532 This guy? Are you sure? 128 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:22,072 -Alan? -Yeah, Mom. 129 00:06:22,073 --> 00:06:25,277 Now that we've seen the dove disappear up the greasy man's sleeve, 130 00:06:25,278 --> 00:06:28,194 how about we stop for a little drinkie-poo? 131 00:06:28,195 --> 00:06:31,783 Mom, it's still Jake's birthday. We're going home for cake. 132 00:06:31,784 --> 00:06:33,226 Okay. 133 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,628 But first a drinkie-poo. 134 00:06:35,951 --> 00:06:38,803 Don't you think you had enough to drink at the magic show? 135 00:06:38,804 --> 00:06:41,880 Excuse me, but some of us deal with our boredom and depression 136 00:06:41,881 --> 00:06:45,291 the old-fashioned, non-prescription way. 137 00:06:46,592 --> 00:06:49,347 -That's telling her, Evelyn. -Now, see. 138 00:06:49,348 --> 00:06:53,675 This one gets me. Alan, you married the wrong sister. 139 00:06:53,676 --> 00:06:56,463 Why don't you lie down back there, take a little nap? 140 00:06:56,464 --> 00:06:58,866 Okey-dokey. 141 00:07:02,938 --> 00:07:05,084 How can you not remember the coatroom? 142 00:07:05,085 --> 00:07:06,944 I remember the coatroom. 143 00:07:06,945 --> 00:07:09,123 I just don't remember you. 144 00:07:09,123 --> 00:07:11,046 How can you not remember me? 145 00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:13,738 Do you remember everyone you've had sex with? 146 00:07:13,739 --> 00:07:14,989 Of course not. 147 00:07:14,990 --> 00:07:18,294 But come on, we're practically family. 148 00:07:18,964 --> 00:07:21,303 Okay, Dad, see this ring? 149 00:07:21,304 --> 00:07:23,739 It's made of one unbroken piece of stainless steel. 150 00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,213 I can see that. 151 00:07:25,214 --> 00:07:28,418 And this one is just the same. I swear. 152 00:07:28,418 --> 00:07:30,854 -I believe you. -Now watch. 153 00:07:30,854 --> 00:07:33,256 One, two, three. 154 00:07:34,027 --> 00:07:36,142 Hold on. 155 00:07:36,143 --> 00:07:38,545 One, two, three. 156 00:07:39,381 --> 00:07:41,782 Ironic. 157 00:07:42,906 --> 00:07:45,052 Wait, don't look. 158 00:07:45,053 --> 00:07:47,936 Alan, how are those magic fingers of yours? 159 00:07:47,937 --> 00:07:49,123 I'm sorry? 160 00:07:49,124 --> 00:07:52,295 I have this kink in my back and I was hoping you could give me 161 00:07:52,296 --> 00:07:56,773 one of your fantastic adjustments when we get home. 162 00:07:57,297 --> 00:07:58,610 Sure, I suppose. 163 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:01,136 Thank you. I can't wait. 164 00:08:02,457 --> 00:08:05,565 Wait a minute. His magic fingers you remember? 165 00:08:05,566 --> 00:08:07,967 Ta-da! 166 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,225 This is really weird. 167 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:16,377 Yeah. How could she not remember me? 168 00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:20,982 -What are you talking about? -What are you talking about? 169 00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:23,225 Judith's sister's hitting on me. 170 00:08:23,226 --> 00:08:26,495 She's not hitting on you. She's hitting on her sister's ex-husband. 171 00:08:26,496 --> 00:08:28,514 But that's me. 172 00:08:28,515 --> 00:08:30,372 Stop taking it personally. 173 00:08:30,373 --> 00:08:33,417 You said it yourself. They've been going at each other for years. 174 00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:35,885 And let's examine the current situation. 175 00:08:35,886 --> 00:08:39,475 Nothing Liz does with me is gonna make Judith any madder. 176 00:08:39,476 --> 00:08:42,117 I've already flown my mission. 177 00:08:43,835 --> 00:08:46,654 The only play she has left is to sleep with you. 178 00:08:46,655 --> 00:08:48,802 Well, that's not gonna happen. 179 00:08:48,803 --> 00:08:52,136 Well, certainly not with that attitude. 180 00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:56,109 Now, come on, you can't say you've never thought about it. 181 00:08:56,110 --> 00:08:57,840 Liz? No. 182 00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,314 Alan. 183 00:08:59,315 --> 00:09:01,590 Look me in the eye. 184 00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:03,930 Okay, I'm looking. 185 00:09:03,931 --> 00:09:06,975 Tell me you've never thought about being with Liz. 186 00:09:06,976 --> 00:09:10,434 You know, you have very curly eyelashes. 187 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,545 -Answer the question. -Come on, Charlie. 188 00:09:13,546 --> 00:09:15,629 -It's my ex-wife's sister. -Exactly. 189 00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:20,183 Sisters are like the Holy Grail of recreational sex. 190 00:09:20,437 --> 00:09:23,641 Technically, it'd be twins, but that's such a biological oddity, 191 00:09:23,642 --> 00:09:26,043 it's hardly worth pursuing. 192 00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,256 Dad, pick a card. 193 00:09:28,257 --> 00:09:30,659 Okay. 194 00:09:30,725 --> 00:09:32,135 Seven of diamonds? 195 00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:34,538 No. 196 00:09:35,052 --> 00:09:36,589 Eight of spades? 197 00:09:36,590 --> 00:09:38,512 No. 198 00:09:38,513 --> 00:09:40,915 -Ace of clubs? -No. 199 00:09:41,495 --> 00:09:43,896 Is it black or red? 200 00:09:48,770 --> 00:09:51,077 We'll just have the cake, and then we'll go. 201 00:09:51,078 --> 00:09:52,295 You can go if you want. 202 00:09:52,296 --> 00:09:55,371 I'll have Alan drive me home after he adjusts me. 203 00:09:55,372 --> 00:09:56,846 Why are you doing this? 204 00:09:56,847 --> 00:09:58,000 Doing what? 205 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,730 Alan. 206 00:09:59,731 --> 00:10:02,551 -You want him back, don't you? -No, I don't want him back. 207 00:10:02,552 --> 00:10:05,308 Then why do you care what I do with him? 208 00:10:05,308 --> 00:10:07,904 If you're determined to do something stupid today, 209 00:10:07,905 --> 00:10:10,979 I'd actually prefer you do Charlie. 210 00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:15,436 So would Charlie, but we can't always get what we want. 211 00:10:15,437 --> 00:10:18,508 Wow! That's a lot of candles. 212 00:10:18,610 --> 00:10:19,923 He's still 1 1, right? 213 00:10:19,924 --> 00:10:22,519 You want to deal with the candles? Is that what you want? 214 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,666 -No, I'm fine. -So, Alan. 215 00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:27,423 When do you think you'll be ready for me? 216 00:10:27,424 --> 00:10:28,897 Maybe after the cake. 217 00:10:28,898 --> 00:10:30,051 -Okay. -Okay. 218 00:10:30,052 --> 00:10:33,577 You just say the word, and we'll do it. 219 00:10:34,219 --> 00:10:37,446 In high school, the word was "hello." 220 00:10:37,744 --> 00:10:39,987 Don't pretend you don't know what she's doing. 221 00:10:39,988 --> 00:10:42,294 Her back hurts, Judith. She wants an adjustment. 222 00:10:42,295 --> 00:10:43,929 She doesn't want an adjustment. 223 00:10:43,930 --> 00:10:46,814 And why do you think her back hurts in the first place? 224 00:10:46,815 --> 00:10:48,384 So, she does need an adjustment. 225 00:10:48,385 --> 00:10:50,820 I forbid you to have anything to do with my sister. 226 00:10:50,821 --> 00:10:52,775 Really? You forbid me? I've got news for you. 227 00:10:52,776 --> 00:10:55,179 We're not married anymore. You don't get to forbid me. 228 00:10:55,180 --> 00:10:56,909 -I'm warning you. -What warning? 229 00:10:56,910 --> 00:10:59,122 -What happened to forbidding? -Just listen to me. 230 00:10:59,123 --> 00:11:01,365 If you lay one magic little finger on Liz, 231 00:11:01,365 --> 00:11:04,762 -you and I will have a big problem. -What are you gonna do? Divorce me? 232 00:11:04,763 --> 00:11:06,397 Marry me again and then divorce me? 233 00:11:06,398 --> 00:11:07,647 You want to see a trick? 234 00:11:07,648 --> 00:11:10,049 -Sure. -Yeah, sure, honey. 235 00:11:10,084 --> 00:11:12,600 "Good evening, sir or madame. 236 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,242 "Have we ever met before?" 237 00:11:17,071 --> 00:11:18,736 So, Liz. 238 00:11:18,737 --> 00:11:21,792 The wedding reception, the coatroom. 239 00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:24,505 Did I ever say thank you? 240 00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:27,860 I don't really remember, Charlie. 241 00:11:27,968 --> 00:11:31,172 Well, let me just say, long overdue then, 242 00:11:31,173 --> 00:11:33,574 thank you. 243 00:11:34,635 --> 00:11:37,036 Okay. 244 00:11:37,199 --> 00:11:39,506 And not just for the one time. 245 00:11:39,507 --> 00:11:43,384 Over the years, I've actually used the mental picture of that night as 246 00:11:43,385 --> 00:11:45,786 Iighter fluid when I'm, 247 00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:49,472 you know, barbecuing alone. 248 00:11:52,327 --> 00:11:55,324 Hey, come on, that's a compliment. 249 00:11:58,448 --> 00:12:00,850 -Hey, Grandma? -What? 250 00:12:02,294 --> 00:12:05,019 Now, madame, keep your eye on the magic ball. 251 00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:06,653 Watch closely. 252 00:12:06,654 --> 00:12:08,896 No, wait. 253 00:12:08,897 --> 00:12:14,249 Okay, now I'll take the magic ball from my left hand and put it into my right. 254 00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:19,024 See? Now I'll throw the magic ball back into the cup. 255 00:12:19,026 --> 00:12:21,461 You think it's under the cup? 256 00:12:21,462 --> 00:12:23,480 Do I think what's under the cup? 257 00:12:23,481 --> 00:12:25,370 The magic ball. 258 00:12:25,371 --> 00:12:27,928 Very good, dear. 259 00:12:41,333 --> 00:12:44,473 Good Lord, how long have I been asleep? 260 00:12:44,474 --> 00:12:46,876 Make a wish, buddy. 261 00:12:50,756 --> 00:12:52,550 I've already made my wish. 262 00:12:52,551 --> 00:12:55,114 -Don't you dare. -Now we're daring? 263 00:12:55,115 --> 00:12:57,261 Warning, forbidding, and daring? 264 00:12:57,262 --> 00:12:59,057 I want to talk to you. 265 00:12:59,057 --> 00:13:02,208 -Are you hearing this? -I'm trying. 266 00:13:03,288 --> 00:13:05,755 -What is your problem? -You are my problem. 267 00:13:05,756 --> 00:13:08,896 -Why are they fighting? -They're not fighting. They're discussing. 268 00:13:08,897 --> 00:13:12,165 I'm a child of divorce, Dad. I know the difference. 269 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:15,530 -You're a selfish, hateful person. -Maybe you should go to your room. 270 00:13:15,531 --> 00:13:18,403 -It's my birthday. -lronic, huh? 271 00:13:19,377 --> 00:13:21,779 Hi, everybody. 272 00:13:22,295 --> 00:13:23,383 Sorry I'm late. 273 00:13:23,384 --> 00:13:26,652 Actually, you're right on time. Here's $50. Take Jake to the arcade, 274 00:13:26,653 --> 00:13:28,735 and don't come back till you're out of quarters. 275 00:13:28,736 --> 00:13:30,787 Okay. Come on, Jake. 276 00:13:30,788 --> 00:13:32,871 Cool. So, how was the wedding? 277 00:13:32,871 --> 00:13:34,857 It was a circus. 278 00:13:34,858 --> 00:13:37,005 Bye, honey. Have fun. 279 00:13:37,006 --> 00:13:39,954 You were always a cheap slut and you haven't changed. 280 00:13:39,955 --> 00:13:43,575 I was the slut? Miss Technically-I'm-Still-A-Virgin. 281 00:13:43,576 --> 00:13:46,189 Girls, that's no way to talk. 282 00:13:50,659 --> 00:13:54,377 Ever since we were kids, anytime I loved something, you took it away from me. 283 00:13:54,378 --> 00:13:56,459 But you will not take away my ex-husband. 284 00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,223 -You love me? -What? No! 285 00:13:58,224 --> 00:14:00,402 I'm trying to make a point here. 286 00:14:00,403 --> 00:14:03,446 Judith, if I wanted Alan, I could've had him a long time ago. 287 00:14:03,447 --> 00:14:04,985 What the hell does that mean? 288 00:14:04,986 --> 00:14:08,137 -You never told her? -Told me what? 289 00:14:08,512 --> 00:14:11,235 Well, I mean, it's no big deal. 290 00:14:11,236 --> 00:14:12,934 Really. 291 00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,601 It's just that 292 00:14:14,602 --> 00:14:17,003 before I asked you out, 293 00:14:17,134 --> 00:14:19,535 I asked Liz out. 294 00:14:22,454 --> 00:14:24,856 You lied to me? 295 00:14:25,723 --> 00:14:28,863 If I had said yes, you never would have dated him. 296 00:14:28,864 --> 00:14:30,851 So, I was your second choice? 297 00:14:30,852 --> 00:14:33,253 No. 298 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,299 Chronologically, yes. 299 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:38,799 But in my heart, you were always first. 300 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,596 But in reality, you were second. 301 00:14:42,165 --> 00:14:44,344 And you never told me this? 302 00:14:44,345 --> 00:14:47,034 Well, you can kind of see why. 303 00:14:47,614 --> 00:14:49,376 You know, this 304 00:14:49,377 --> 00:14:52,960 wouldn't have happened if you were twins. 305 00:14:53,384 --> 00:14:55,081 Okay. Fine. 306 00:14:55,082 --> 00:14:58,479 You always wanted Liz? Go ahead, here's your chance. 307 00:14:58,479 --> 00:15:00,337 Give her your little adjustment. 308 00:15:00,338 --> 00:15:02,581 While you're having a good time with my sister, 309 00:15:02,582 --> 00:15:05,562 I'll have a good time with your brother. 310 00:15:05,563 --> 00:15:07,806 Beg pardon? 311 00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:11,491 Don't be coy with me. You know we've always had sexual tension between us. 312 00:15:11,492 --> 00:15:14,952 Really? I thought it was just regular tension. 313 00:15:14,953 --> 00:15:17,100 Come on, I've seen you looking at my chest. 314 00:15:17,101 --> 00:15:19,407 You looked at my wife's chest? 315 00:15:19,408 --> 00:15:21,267 Hey, I'm a guy. 316 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,766 I will rock his world, Alan, I swear. 317 00:15:23,767 --> 00:15:25,979 -You're bluffing. -Am l? Watch me. 318 00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:27,677 -Come on, Charlie. -Alan? 319 00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:29,728 -She's bluffing, Charlie. -Are you sure? 320 00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,363 Trust me, she hates you. 321 00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,087 Trust me. That doesn't always stop them. 322 00:15:34,088 --> 00:15:37,261 Come on, Alan, I'll show you where it hurts. 323 00:15:37,262 --> 00:15:38,798 Clear something up for me. 324 00:15:38,799 --> 00:15:41,107 Chiropractic adjustment, that's just a euphemism? 325 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:44,279 -Right. -So, we're really gonna do this? 326 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:47,076 Wow, I thought we were bluffing. 327 00:15:57,934 --> 00:16:00,960 -Okay, we were bluffing. -Us, too. 328 00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:11,662 My God, that clown has no legs! 329 00:17:17,293 --> 00:17:19,375 Okay, you see the coin? 330 00:17:19,376 --> 00:17:23,823 You're supposed to say, "Have we ever met before?" 331 00:17:24,664 --> 00:17:28,317 Just watch the trick, okay? We'll work on the patter later. 332 00:17:28,318 --> 00:17:29,952 You see the coin? 333 00:17:29,953 --> 00:17:32,566 Now, I grab it with this hand 334 00:17:32,581 --> 00:17:34,887 and I blow, 335 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,810 and it's gone. 336 00:17:36,811 --> 00:17:39,213 Where do you think it is? 337 00:17:39,376 --> 00:17:41,777 It's right here. 338 00:17:50,369 --> 00:17:52,982 How the hell did you do that? 339 00:17:53,190 --> 00:17:55,591 Ironic, huh?