1 00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:09,030 Hello? What? 2 00:00:10,570 --> 00:00:12,139 I can't understand you. 3 00:00:12,140 --> 00:00:13,261 Who is it? 4 00:00:13,262 --> 00:00:16,104 I don't know. Some woman crying. 5 00:00:16,113 --> 00:00:18,513 Hold on. Charlie? 6 00:00:18,803 --> 00:00:21,204 -What? -Phone for you. 7 00:00:22,264 --> 00:00:25,134 -Who is it? -A hysterical woman. 8 00:00:26,108 --> 00:00:29,535 Are you insane? I don't take calls from hysterical women. 9 00:00:29,536 --> 00:00:31,936 Here he is. 10 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,300 You are very insensitive. 11 00:00:36,744 --> 00:00:39,231 Hello? Oh, hey. How are you? 12 00:00:39,788 --> 00:00:42,188 She's crying. Duh. 13 00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:45,707 Okay, calm down. I can't understand you. 14 00:00:47,412 --> 00:00:49,903 Omelet? What is "omelet"? 15 00:00:51,257 --> 00:00:53,657 Oh, I'm late. 16 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:56,998 What are you late for, hon? 17 00:00:58,945 --> 00:01:01,763 -Get him out of here. -Jake, go watch TV. 18 00:01:01,764 --> 00:01:06,123 What's the big deal? I don't cry when I'm late. 19 00:01:08,204 --> 00:01:10,969 Okay, are you sure? Don't yell. 20 00:01:11,311 --> 00:01:13,826 How did this... Scratch that. 21 00:01:14,483 --> 00:01:17,622 Okay. Just stay calm, I'm here for you. 22 00:01:17,623 --> 00:01:20,263 We'll deal with this together. 23 00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:25,143 You didn't happen to catch her name, did you? 24 00:01:31,045 --> 00:01:33,992 Okay, the instructions sound pretty clear. 25 00:01:33,993 --> 00:01:36,393 You pee on the stick, 26 00:01:36,908 --> 00:01:41,046 and if it turns blue it means you're pregnant. 27 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,601 The stick turns blue. 28 00:01:46,262 --> 00:01:50,103 Yes, sweetheart, first go into the bathroom. 29 00:01:50,139 --> 00:01:52,156 Not exactly a rocket scientist. 30 00:01:52,157 --> 00:01:57,250 As opposed to the Nobel Prize winners you usually bring home. 31 00:01:57,251 --> 00:02:00,650 I'm still here. Go ahead, let her rip. 32 00:02:03,178 --> 00:02:05,635 What do you mean you can't? 33 00:02:06,317 --> 00:02:08,717 Hold on. 34 00:02:13,845 --> 00:02:16,246 How's that? 35 00:02:16,921 --> 00:02:20,828 Yeah, I'm a genius. Now we wait 30 seconds. 36 00:02:22,015 --> 00:02:24,481 Please, God. Please, God, please. 37 00:02:24,482 --> 00:02:26,531 Isn't it a little late for prayer, Charlie? 38 00:02:26,532 --> 00:02:28,932 Hey, don't mock my faith. 39 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:32,881 Yeah, I'm here. Did it change colors? 40 00:02:33,259 --> 00:02:35,717 No? That's good, right? 41 00:02:37,103 --> 00:02:41,904 Sure, in a strange way I'm a little disappointed, too. 42 00:02:42,294 --> 00:02:44,694 Hold on a sec. Yes! 43 00:02:52,513 --> 00:02:54,531 So, what else is new? 44 00:02:54,532 --> 00:02:58,094 Hey, congratulations. When's the wedding? 45 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:01,771 Isn't that nice? 46 00:03:01,772 --> 00:03:04,172 Best of luck. Bye-bye. 47 00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:09,010 Boy, don't you just hate when that happens? 48 00:03:09,011 --> 00:03:12,727 Wait, so this is a common occurrence? Don't you take precautions? 49 00:03:12,728 --> 00:03:14,393 Of course. 50 00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:20,063 But, come on, you've never found yourself in a slow elevator without a condom? 51 00:03:20,064 --> 00:03:22,465 Look who I'm asking. 52 00:03:25,126 --> 00:03:26,727 Okay, so we need soap, 53 00:03:26,727 --> 00:03:29,600 razor blades, cotton balls. 54 00:03:29,675 --> 00:03:33,037 -Cotton balls, that reminds me. -Reminds you of what? 55 00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:35,439 Ribbed, for her pleasure. 56 00:03:36,371 --> 00:03:38,771 Ultra thin, for mine. 57 00:03:39,222 --> 00:03:42,476 Fiesta colors for, I suppose, fiestas. 58 00:03:43,258 --> 00:03:47,915 And extra-strength, double latex, for coyote Tuesdays. 59 00:03:50,050 --> 00:03:52,452 Boy, if women knew the trouble we go to. 60 00:03:52,453 --> 00:03:54,790 Why don't you just get snipped? 61 00:03:54,791 --> 00:03:56,520 -You mean a vasectomy? -Yeah. 62 00:03:56,521 --> 00:03:59,019 Then say "vasectomy." Don't say "snipped." 63 00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:01,422 -What's wrong with "snipped"? -It's demeaning. 64 00:04:01,423 --> 00:04:04,561 Snipped is what you get for $12 at Supercuts. 65 00:04:04,562 --> 00:04:06,964 Fine. Why don't you get a vasectomy? 66 00:04:06,965 --> 00:04:08,438 I've considered it. 67 00:04:08,439 --> 00:04:12,731 In fact, a couple of years ago I believe there was a petition circulating. 68 00:04:12,732 --> 00:04:14,589 So, what's holding you back? 69 00:04:14,590 --> 00:04:16,895 I don't know, it's kind of a permanent move. 70 00:04:16,896 --> 00:04:19,490 What happens if one day I finally meet the right woman 71 00:04:19,491 --> 00:04:22,688 and decide I want to raise a family? 72 00:04:23,335 --> 00:04:25,736 Don't cry. Look. 73 00:04:27,180 --> 00:04:30,383 You want to see Daddy dance? You like to see Daddy dance. 74 00:04:30,384 --> 00:04:32,784 Look at Daddy dance. 75 00:04:33,555 --> 00:04:35,955 Who am I kidding? 76 00:04:37,752 --> 00:04:40,217 Sweetheart, I have to go. I've a patient. 77 00:04:40,218 --> 00:04:43,998 No, you just stay off your feet. Remember, you're very pregnant. 78 00:04:43,999 --> 00:04:45,119 Huge. 79 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:47,074 Yeah, I love you, too. 80 00:04:47,075 --> 00:04:50,243 I know. We're going to have a baby. 81 00:04:50,438 --> 00:04:53,987 Yes, we are. Okay, sweetie, bye-bye. 82 00:04:54,154 --> 00:04:56,941 So, Mr. Harper, you want a vasectomy? 83 00:04:56,942 --> 00:04:59,183 Yes. You do that, right? 84 00:04:59,184 --> 00:05:03,764 Of course we do. In the exam room next door. Snip, snip. 85 00:05:03,765 --> 00:05:06,775 Great. I just have a couple of pre-snip questions. 86 00:05:06,776 --> 00:05:09,627 Shoot. Which, by the way, you'll still do post-snip, 87 00:05:09,628 --> 00:05:12,029 if that was one of your questions. 88 00:05:12,030 --> 00:05:13,311 Good. 89 00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:16,803 Of course, if I've done my job right, you'll be shooting blanks. Yeah? 90 00:05:16,804 --> 00:05:19,204 Yeah, I got that. 91 00:05:19,303 --> 00:05:22,121 What I was wondering is if there's any permanent effects. 92 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,107 You mean like sexual impairment? 93 00:05:24,108 --> 00:05:26,509 No. Wait a minute. 94 00:05:27,311 --> 00:05:29,618 There can be sexual impairment? 95 00:05:29,619 --> 00:05:32,372 No, I just wanted to see the look on your face. 96 00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:35,576 No, actually, you'll be able to perform exactly as you did before. 97 00:05:35,577 --> 00:05:37,210 Great. 98 00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,880 But what about like creativity? 99 00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:44,899 See, I write music for a living. Will I still be able to do that? 100 00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:47,771 Do you write with your testicles? 101 00:05:50,442 --> 00:05:51,594 No. 102 00:05:51,595 --> 00:05:54,990 Then it shouldn't be a problem. Now, let me ask you a question. 103 00:05:54,991 --> 00:05:57,008 -Do you have children already? -No. 104 00:05:57,009 --> 00:05:59,764 Then you might want to think about freezing some sperm 105 00:05:59,765 --> 00:06:01,333 in case you ever change your mind. 106 00:06:01,334 --> 00:06:03,928 -Frozen sperm? I don't know. -Why not? 107 00:06:03,929 --> 00:06:08,381 You know, you freeze shrimp, it's never as good as fresh. 108 00:06:08,382 --> 00:06:10,592 That's really not the same thing. 109 00:06:10,593 --> 00:06:15,301 So you know for a fact that frozen kids are just the same as the regulars? 110 00:06:15,302 --> 00:06:16,934 Yeah, pretty much. 111 00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:21,900 Of course, when they grow up they do tend to migrate to the Sunbelt. 112 00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:26,404 Nothing? Wow. That one kills at urology conventions. 113 00:06:26,546 --> 00:06:28,947 Excuse me. Yes? 114 00:06:29,110 --> 00:06:31,191 Put her on. It's my wife. 115 00:06:31,192 --> 00:06:32,760 Hi, honey. 116 00:06:32,761 --> 00:06:35,612 No kidding, she's really kicking up a storm, huh? 117 00:06:35,613 --> 00:06:37,438 Yeah, we know it's a girl. 118 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,296 -Good. -Hang on. 119 00:06:39,297 --> 00:06:41,891 Do you like Brittany or Allison for a name? 120 00:06:41,892 --> 00:06:44,165 -They're both nice. -Yeah. 121 00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:48,170 Okay, honey, let me get this guy out of here and I'll call you back. 122 00:06:48,171 --> 00:06:49,868 Okay, Mommy. 123 00:06:49,869 --> 00:06:52,014 Yeah, you're going to be a mommy. 124 00:06:52,015 --> 00:06:54,416 Yes, you are. 125 00:06:55,187 --> 00:06:57,587 So, frozen sperm. 126 00:06:58,199 --> 00:07:01,593 I'm just not really sure I want to go into some little room 127 00:07:01,594 --> 00:07:03,099 with a bunch of magazines and you know... 128 00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:06,398 Actually, we have videos now. Kind of hot. 129 00:07:06,399 --> 00:07:09,281 You don't have to do it here. We'll give you a container, 130 00:07:09,282 --> 00:07:11,428 you can go home, make yourself comfortable, 131 00:07:11,429 --> 00:07:13,895 dim the lights, put on a little sweet soul music... 132 00:07:13,896 --> 00:07:15,433 I know the procedure. 133 00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:19,245 Then just bring it back here while the little fellas are still swimming, 134 00:07:19,246 --> 00:07:21,135 and we'll turn them into Popsicles. 135 00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,417 Popsicles? 136 00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:26,165 You know, in case someday you want to be a pop. 137 00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:29,017 Yeah. Very clever. 138 00:07:29,113 --> 00:07:34,077 You deal with prostates and penises all day, you better have a sense of humor. 139 00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:35,359 And warm hands. 140 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,281 That's good, I'll use that. 141 00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:39,923 Warm hands. That's good. Yeah. 142 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,963 I'm done. Can I go play in my room? 143 00:07:45,964 --> 00:07:49,455 Jake, Grandma came all the way over here to spend some time with you. 144 00:07:49,456 --> 00:07:53,469 Alan, don't use guilt as a control mechanism. 145 00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:57,973 He should only spend time with me if he wants to. 146 00:08:02,335 --> 00:08:04,735 So I can go, right? 147 00:08:06,307 --> 00:08:08,707 Run. 148 00:08:09,895 --> 00:08:11,015 Good morning. 149 00:08:11,016 --> 00:08:13,419 -Good morning, darling. -Morning, Charlie. 150 00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:16,924 Charlie, what's wrong with your pee-pee? 151 00:08:18,513 --> 00:08:19,729 What? 152 00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:23,125 A little birdie told me you were in a urologist's office yesterday. 153 00:08:23,126 --> 00:08:25,207 Thanks a lot, Tweety. 154 00:08:25,208 --> 00:08:26,713 I didn't say anything. 155 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:30,781 Coincidentally, your doctor has a suite in the same building as Dr. Shankman. 156 00:08:30,782 --> 00:08:34,338 The man responsible for one out of three tight tushies in Beverly Hills. 157 00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:36,869 So, Dr. Shankman saw me and told you? 158 00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:39,304 No, you left your appointment card on the table here. 159 00:08:39,304 --> 00:08:45,632 I just brought up Dr. Shankman because no one has noticed my new tushie. 160 00:08:46,384 --> 00:08:47,761 Very nice, Mom. 161 00:08:47,762 --> 00:08:50,172 Of course. It's a Shankman. 162 00:08:52,439 --> 00:08:55,435 So, Charles, back to your pee-pee. 163 00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:58,493 I'm done. Can I go play in my room? 164 00:08:58,493 --> 00:09:03,298 There's nothing wrong with it. I'm just getting a vasectomy. 165 00:09:03,299 --> 00:09:05,699 You must really hate me. 166 00:09:06,535 --> 00:09:08,937 Are we changing the subject? 167 00:09:08,938 --> 00:09:12,108 How can you have a vasectomy without consulting me? 168 00:09:12,109 --> 00:09:14,991 You're selfishly robbing me of grandchildren. 169 00:09:14,992 --> 00:09:19,111 -You've got grandchildren. -Oh, big whoop, one. 170 00:09:20,054 --> 00:09:23,353 If it makes you feel any better, I'm going to do the freezing thing. 171 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:24,987 Really? 172 00:09:24,988 --> 00:09:28,190 I suppose that's better than nothing. 173 00:09:28,191 --> 00:09:31,362 You know, I'm doing a freezing thing, too. 174 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,900 -What? -Excuse me? 175 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:36,327 At death, I plan to have my head removed and frozen until such time 176 00:09:36,328 --> 00:09:40,514 as it can be revived and put on a monkey body. 177 00:09:42,607 --> 00:09:45,008 What? Everybody's doing it. 178 00:09:54,749 --> 00:09:57,216 Charlie, you got somebody in there? 179 00:09:57,217 --> 00:09:59,234 No. 180 00:09:59,235 --> 00:10:01,635 I need to get your towels. 181 00:10:02,150 --> 00:10:03,911 I really wish you wouldn't. 182 00:10:03,912 --> 00:10:08,941 Come on, I'm doing laundry. I want to finish a load before I go. 183 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,342 Yeah. Well, me, too. 184 00:10:12,626 --> 00:10:15,573 -What? -Never mind, just go away. 185 00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:20,442 All right. If it helps, you can think of me. 186 00:10:26,145 --> 00:10:27,585 Charlie, wait a second. 187 00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,828 I don't have to pick up Jake till after dinner. 188 00:10:29,829 --> 00:10:31,269 You want to catch an early movie? 189 00:10:31,270 --> 00:10:35,562 Maybe. But I gotta make one stop first. Come on. 190 00:10:39,215 --> 00:10:41,616 So, what's in the bag? 191 00:10:41,618 --> 00:10:44,142 -Sperm. -No, really. 192 00:10:44,821 --> 00:10:47,222 Sperm. 193 00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:54,275 -Whose sperm? -Seabiscuit's. Who do you think? Mine. 194 00:10:55,297 --> 00:10:58,052 I thought we were going to a movie. 195 00:10:58,053 --> 00:11:03,948 Yeah, but first I'm having my sperm frozen and getting a vasectomy. 196 00:11:04,652 --> 00:11:07,310 I could've met you at the theater, you know. 197 00:11:07,311 --> 00:11:09,712 Just hold the bag. 198 00:11:12,437 --> 00:11:16,280 There is another container inside this bag, right? 199 00:11:16,281 --> 00:11:19,484 Of course. You just gotta keep it out of the sunlight. 200 00:11:19,485 --> 00:11:22,455 Why? Is it vampire sperm? 201 00:11:26,565 --> 00:11:29,576 Jeez. He's gonna want to look in the bag. 202 00:11:29,577 --> 00:11:31,530 God. 203 00:11:31,531 --> 00:11:33,931 No! 204 00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:39,652 -What the hell did you do that for? -I don't know, I panicked. 205 00:11:45,915 --> 00:11:48,504 -Hey, Charlie! -What? 206 00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:51,200 Are you nuts? You can't put that in the freezer. 207 00:11:51,201 --> 00:11:53,601 It's ice cream. 208 00:11:54,309 --> 00:11:56,978 Store-bought, not hand-cranked. 209 00:11:57,544 --> 00:11:59,944 Yeah, you're hilarious. 210 00:12:00,107 --> 00:12:01,740 You're lucky I'm still talking to you 211 00:12:01,741 --> 00:12:04,943 after tossing my swimmers on the Coast Highway. 212 00:12:04,944 --> 00:12:06,449 -What? -It's nothing. 213 00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:09,589 Thanks to you, I got to reschedule the whole deal for this afternoon. 214 00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:11,511 -What whole deal? -It's not important, Jake. 215 00:12:11,512 --> 00:12:13,017 Why shouldn't he know? 216 00:12:13,017 --> 00:12:16,013 Okay, go ahead. Explain it to him. 217 00:12:16,766 --> 00:12:19,166 Well, Jake, 218 00:12:19,969 --> 00:12:23,579 your uncle Charlie is getting a vasectomy. 219 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:28,987 What's wrong with the car you have now? 220 00:12:32,303 --> 00:12:34,704 Well done. 221 00:12:36,276 --> 00:12:38,762 All right, let me try again. 222 00:12:39,447 --> 00:12:41,720 A vasectomy is a very simple operation. 223 00:12:41,721 --> 00:12:45,437 -Are you sick? -No. I'm perfectly healthy. 224 00:12:45,438 --> 00:12:49,377 It's a procedure so that I don't have babies by accident. 225 00:12:49,378 --> 00:12:52,499 Yeah, like we had to do with Scout. 226 00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:53,926 Scout? 227 00:12:53,927 --> 00:12:57,610 The dog we had. Couldn't keep it in his fur. 228 00:12:57,611 --> 00:13:00,329 Keep going, you're doing great. 229 00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:03,249 Jake, it's not exactly the same with people as with dogs. 230 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,651 I know. 231 00:13:08,952 --> 00:13:11,842 Why don't you just use a condom? 232 00:13:20,069 --> 00:13:23,468 I guess he knows more than he lets on. 233 00:13:25,355 --> 00:13:28,552 -You do, don't you? -I hear things. 234 00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,209 Thanks for babysitting, Rose. 235 00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:34,740 My pleasure. Is Charlie gonna be okay? 236 00:13:34,741 --> 00:13:37,111 Yeah. He's just having a little procedure done, 237 00:13:37,112 --> 00:13:39,129 and I need to be there to drive him home. 238 00:13:39,130 --> 00:13:42,237 -What kind of procedure? -It's personal. 239 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,638 I understand. Where is he? 240 00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:49,638 Upstairs, getting ready. Throwing a few things in a bag. 241 00:13:49,639 --> 00:13:52,836 -I'll tell Jake you're here. -Okay. 242 00:14:04,279 --> 00:14:07,149 -Charlie? -Rose, for God's sake! 243 00:14:07,354 --> 00:14:10,707 -You need a hand? -No, get out. 244 00:14:15,780 --> 00:14:18,180 -Charlie? -What? 245 00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:22,587 -What's the little cup for? -Go away, Rose. 246 00:14:22,668 --> 00:14:24,012 Don't be embarrassed. 247 00:14:24,013 --> 00:14:26,991 That's a perfectly natural way to relieve stress. 248 00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:29,843 You know what I do? Jumping jacks. 249 00:14:29,844 --> 00:14:31,701 Rose, please. 250 00:14:31,702 --> 00:14:35,833 The only downside is, when I exercise, I get all hot and sweaty, 251 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:38,524 and my clothes start clinging to my body. 252 00:14:38,525 --> 00:14:43,575 So then I have to go and take a nice, hot, soapy shower. 253 00:14:44,677 --> 00:14:47,077 Then what? 254 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,601 Rose? 255 00:14:50,988 --> 00:14:53,388 Oh, damn. 256 00:14:54,544 --> 00:14:56,305 Look, I'm sorry I walked in on you. 257 00:14:56,306 --> 00:14:59,412 I thought you were finished with the video and everything. 258 00:14:59,413 --> 00:15:02,485 -Forget it, Alan. -I wish I could. 259 00:15:03,642 --> 00:15:06,235 Why didn't you hang a sock on the doorknob? 260 00:15:06,236 --> 00:15:07,485 It wouldn't have helped. 261 00:15:07,486 --> 00:15:09,920 Obviously, a power much greater than myself 262 00:15:09,921 --> 00:15:11,714 doesn't want me to freeze my sperm. 263 00:15:11,715 --> 00:15:14,276 If you don't, and you go ahead with this vasectomy, 264 00:15:14,277 --> 00:15:16,135 you'll never be able to have children. 265 00:15:16,136 --> 00:15:20,011 What difference does it make? We both know I'm not daddy material. 266 00:15:20,012 --> 00:15:23,332 No, not now, or any time soon, 267 00:15:23,408 --> 00:15:27,764 but who knows, maybe in the distant monkey-body future. 268 00:15:27,765 --> 00:15:31,352 Look, this is my life. I know what's best for me. 269 00:15:31,353 --> 00:15:34,291 Okay, Mr. Harper. 270 00:15:34,397 --> 00:15:36,381 Why don't you jump up on the table, 271 00:15:36,382 --> 00:15:41,308 put your legs in the stirrups and we'll get you shaved. 272 00:15:42,598 --> 00:15:45,671 Damn, I didn't bring the camcorder. 273 00:15:46,891 --> 00:15:49,388 -Thanks, Alan. I'll see you later. -Yeah. Good luck. 274 00:15:49,389 --> 00:15:56,369 Don't forget to put a cone around his head so he doesn't bite at the stitches. 275 00:15:57,238 --> 00:15:59,638 All right, 276 00:15:59,673 --> 00:16:02,073 Iet's have a look. 277 00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:06,400 Okay, in my defense, it's a little cold in here. 278 00:16:06,401 --> 00:16:11,019 Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that. 279 00:16:26,679 --> 00:16:29,749 So, what's your name? 280 00:16:30,844 --> 00:16:32,349 Naomi. 281 00:16:32,350 --> 00:16:34,559 Let me ask you something, Naomi. 282 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,436 Does doing this make you want to have dinner with me more or less? 283 00:16:38,437 --> 00:16:43,145 Just a reminder, Mr. Harper, I'm holding a razor to your genitals. 284 00:16:43,146 --> 00:16:46,344 I know, but how "meet cute" is this? 285 00:16:46,862 --> 00:16:49,781 What a great story to tell our... 286 00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:54,229 Our what? 287 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,601 Never mind. 288 00:16:56,602 --> 00:16:59,954 -Okay, all done. -That was quick. 289 00:17:00,029 --> 00:17:03,681 You got a little mirror so I can check out the back? 290 00:17:03,682 --> 00:17:06,082 Not that little. 291 00:17:07,045 --> 00:17:10,549 Come on, honey. I know. Breathe with me. 292 00:17:11,434 --> 00:17:12,810 All right, that's good. 293 00:17:12,811 --> 00:17:15,918 I gotta do one quick snip and then I'll meet you at the hospital. 294 00:17:15,919 --> 00:17:18,064 -Excuse me, quick snip? -No, thanks, I'm fine. 295 00:17:18,065 --> 00:17:21,492 Yeah. I love you, too. Breathe, honey. Just breathe. 296 00:17:21,493 --> 00:17:25,074 Okay, bye-bye. It's getting exciting now. 297 00:17:25,754 --> 00:17:27,931 Okay, let's see what we're up against here. 298 00:17:27,932 --> 00:17:30,496 Woof. That's quite a haircut. 299 00:17:30,559 --> 00:17:33,987 Looks like my grandma in a bathing cap. 300 00:17:35,717 --> 00:17:38,117 Okay, Mr. Harper, 301 00:17:38,281 --> 00:17:40,233 I'm gonna give you a local anesthetic here 302 00:17:40,234 --> 00:17:41,964 so you're gonna feel a little sting. 303 00:17:41,965 --> 00:17:46,609 Just let me know when you're about to. Holy Mother of God! 304 00:17:46,610 --> 00:17:49,810 Okay, here it comes. Kidding. 305 00:17:51,319 --> 00:17:52,536 I got you. 306 00:17:52,536 --> 00:17:55,162 Now, we'll just give it a minute till we're nice and numb. 307 00:17:55,163 --> 00:17:58,302 You know, we're thinking Juliet now, or maybe Julianne. 308 00:17:58,303 --> 00:17:59,647 Both good names. 309 00:17:59,648 --> 00:18:03,588 Yeah, you want a name that fits a child, but also is appropriate for an adult. 310 00:18:03,588 --> 00:18:05,670 Can you feel my finger? 311 00:18:05,671 --> 00:18:08,233 What finger? Why? What are you doing? 312 00:18:08,234 --> 00:18:10,634 Okay, let's start snipping. 313 00:18:13,199 --> 00:18:16,118 Naomi, could you get that for me? 314 00:18:18,037 --> 00:18:21,751 Hello? Hi, honey. No, I can talk. 315 00:18:23,515 --> 00:18:27,135 What, you're kidding, already? Okay, don't panic, I'm on my way. 316 00:18:27,136 --> 00:18:29,697 Okay, this is a little embarrassing, but I have to go. 317 00:18:29,698 --> 00:18:32,772 Why don't you see to it that Mr. Harper has another appointment? 318 00:18:32,773 --> 00:18:35,560 And no charge for the haircut. Yeah. 319 00:18:35,561 --> 00:18:37,961 I'm gonna be a daddy. 320 00:18:42,417 --> 00:18:44,434 Man, he looks really happy. 321 00:18:44,435 --> 00:18:48,141 Yeah, they've been trying for a long time. 322 00:18:48,215 --> 00:18:50,980 You can put your legs down now. 323 00:18:51,259 --> 00:18:53,659 Yeah, that's one option. 324 00:19:01,254 --> 00:19:03,687 -Unbelievable. -Let it go, Alan. 325 00:19:03,688 --> 00:19:07,852 Who goes in for a vasectomy and comes out with a date? 326 00:19:07,853 --> 00:19:09,839 What? I'm a man, she's a woman. 327 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,985 A woman who two minutes after you met her 328 00:19:11,986 --> 00:19:13,747 was shaving your scrotum. 329 00:19:13,748 --> 00:19:16,311 So we skipped ahead a little. 330 00:19:17,977 --> 00:19:20,955 -You feeling any calmer, Uncle Charlie? -What do you mean? 331 00:19:20,956 --> 00:19:24,191 When Scout had his operation, he got real calm. 332 00:19:24,192 --> 00:19:28,515 Then he got fat and only wanted to sleep behind the dryer. 333 00:19:28,516 --> 00:19:30,918 Okay, first of all, it's not the same operation. 334 00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:32,872 And second of all, I didn't even have it. 335 00:19:32,873 --> 00:19:36,717 -So you're gonna have kids? -I don't know. Maybe some day. 336 00:19:36,718 --> 00:19:40,241 I hope so, because you'd be a cool dad. 337 00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:43,315 Really? 338 00:19:46,009 --> 00:19:48,346 -Did you hear that? -Yeah. 339 00:19:48,347 --> 00:19:50,428 So, you're not gonna have the vasectomy? 340 00:19:50,429 --> 00:19:53,055 I tried my best, but it just wasn't meant to be. 341 00:19:53,056 --> 00:19:54,497 What do you mean? 342 00:19:54,498 --> 00:19:58,053 Do you think it was a coincidence that my urologist was having a baby 343 00:19:58,053 --> 00:20:00,936 at the very moment I was about to get snipped? 344 00:20:00,937 --> 00:20:03,307 I mean, I'm not a particularly religious guy, 345 00:20:03,308 --> 00:20:06,831 but clearly a power much greater than myself 346 00:20:06,832 --> 00:20:10,336 wants me to knock somebody up some day. 347 00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:14,165 You called?