1
00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:09,300
‫Hello, everyone, and here is our next modelled right lesson, so we're going to look at another question

2
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,470
‫type a different sort of question, as well as a new topic.

3
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:18,570
‫And of course, we can see that today we'll be looking around the topic of work, which is, of course,

4
00:00:18,570 --> 00:00:23,060
‫very common in ELT's all sections of the ills test.

5
00:00:23,370 --> 00:00:26,860
‫So let's jump right in and take a look at this question.

6
00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:31,920
‫So here we have our question and, of course, our plan.

7
00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,300
‫And I'll say it once more.

8
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:40,650
‫When you receive your question, you really want to have read it and planned within two minutes.

9
00:00:41,130 --> 00:00:42,570
‫So let's read our question.

10
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:46,770
‫The only reason to work hard is to earn money.

11
00:00:48,070 --> 00:00:50,870
‫To what extent do you agree or disagree?

12
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:57,940
‫Now I'm thinking this is pretty straightforward question sentence, the only reason to work hard is

13
00:00:57,940 --> 00:01:03,920
‫to earn money and our type of question that we have at the end.

14
00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:05,820
‫Agree or disagree?

15
00:01:06,010 --> 00:01:16,360
‫So I must only agree or I must only disagree, not both for this question type by its nature and agree

16
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:17,040
‫or disagree.

17
00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:22,570
‫Question also requires that I give my opinion in the conclusion.

18
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:27,750
‫OK, so let's take a look at our plan.

19
00:01:28,090 --> 00:01:32,380
‫So I actually let me think the only reason to work hard is to earn money.

20
00:01:33,850 --> 00:01:34,690
‫I disagree.

21
00:01:34,720 --> 00:01:37,630
‫I think that is not completely true.

22
00:01:37,780 --> 00:01:41,200
‫Of course, there is no one correct answer here.

23
00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:44,350
‫You can be as long as you give examples.

24
00:01:44,350 --> 00:01:46,350
‫It doesn't matter whether you agree or disagree.

25
00:01:46,660 --> 00:01:49,620
‫Now are the only reason to work hard is to earn money.

26
00:01:49,630 --> 00:01:51,310
‫I disagree with this.

27
00:01:51,910 --> 00:02:01,540
‫So in supporting paragraph one, I probably want to explore two reasons why I disagree in supporting

28
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:07,600
‫paragraph one and two reasons why I disagree in supporting paragraph two.

29
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,750
‫So that's four reasons all together.

30
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:19,360
‫And the reason for this is because without doing this, I'd be a little bit low on my word count.

31
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:27,310
‫It may sound like a lot of different examples to give, but three or four should be OK as long as I

32
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:32,060
‫give lots of examples and describe my ideas in detail.

33
00:02:32,530 --> 00:02:37,100
‫OK, so supporting paragraph one, why do I disagree with this?

34
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:45,310
‫Well, I think oh first I would say self improvement, remembering that I don't write long sentences

35
00:02:45,310 --> 00:02:45,790
‫in my plan.

36
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:52,470
‫Self-improvement and building self-worth, self worth.

37
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:58,380
‫So they're kind of similar things, self-improvement.

38
00:02:58,390 --> 00:03:08,050
‫So finding new hobbies, learning about new skills, we can say developing skills and understanding.

39
00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:17,860
‫I suppose really this is two or three points all under the same idea of building self-worth and self-improvement.

40
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:26,020
‫So we have self-improvement such as skills and knowledge, building self-worth and developing skills

41
00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:29,170
‫and understanding, learning new things from our work.

42
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:35,710
‫I think that really that would probably be enough to go off in my first supporting paragraph.

43
00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:42,280
‫And it's quite nice because there's probably two or three things I can say here about improving ourselves,

44
00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:44,080
‫but it's in the same topics.

45
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:50,260
‫I'm not talking about self-improvement and then going on to talk about charity in the same supporting

46
00:03:50,260 --> 00:03:50,800
‫paragraph.

47
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,800
‫It makes sense to discuss all this in one paragraph.

48
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:54,460
‫Right.

49
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:57,760
‫Let's go on to supporting paragraph two, OK?

50
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,760
‫Why else do I disagree?

51
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,440
‫The only reason to work hard is to earn money.

52
00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:11,080
‫I'm going to say for to help others, help others and charity.

53
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:17,530
‫I think it's important that we work hard to help others, but maybe also to give us the opportunity

54
00:04:17,530 --> 00:04:18,850
‫to be charitable.

55
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:26,740
‫And again, it's kind of one main idea, this sort of helping in charity.

56
00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:32,890
‫But we could probably split this into two parts so I could talk about how work can help others.

57
00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:41,470
‫For example, in an office job, if I work hard, maybe for the boss, it's more organized or in a call

58
00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:42,160
‫centre.

59
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:47,380
‫I'm able to help people who call in if I work hard and give them advice.

60
00:04:47,650 --> 00:04:52,360
‫And for charity, I could maybe talk about a little bit more and give some examples about how if I work

61
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,630
‫hard and earn money, I can be more charitable.

62
00:04:56,950 --> 00:04:58,720
‫So similar topics.

63
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,610
‫It's a really nice way of grouping this.

64
00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:07,570
‫We have similar topics within the same supporting paragraph, self-improvement, self worth supporting

65
00:05:07,570 --> 00:05:12,160
‫paragraph one supporting paragraph to help others and charity.

66
00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:15,550
‫So similar ideas are linked in the same supporting paragraph.

67
00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:19,450
‫And my opinion, I'm just going to disagree.

68
00:05:20,470 --> 00:05:26,320
‫We don't really need to add that in, but it does just help me to remember I disagree.

69
00:05:26,470 --> 00:05:36,190
‫One important thing that we must do when we're writing is to maintain, to keep a straight forward idea

70
00:05:36,610 --> 00:05:40,930
‫to not fallick and flip between agreeing and disagreeing.

71
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:44,920
‫That would affect my task achievement score, which would mark me lower.

72
00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:47,170
‫So I need to really step.

73
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:56,300
‫With one idea, with one main point, either agree or disagree, not both, because then you would score

74
00:05:56,750 --> 00:05:59,230
‫really low in terms of task achievement.

75
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,460
‫You've not completely answered the question.

76
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:03,770
‫OK, so that's it.

77
00:06:03,770 --> 00:06:08,820
‫My plan is ready and I think now it's about time that we start writing.

78
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,690
‫OK, so I'll have to think back to my plan.

79
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:18,940
‫But of course, we'll begin with our paraphrased introduction.

80
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:23,260
‫The only reason to work hard is to earn money.

81
00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:38,990
‫Some people feel that the main purpose, synonym reason of working hard is working hard.

82
00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:40,990
‫Or how else could we paraphrase this?

83
00:06:40,990 --> 00:06:52,610
‫Some people feel that the main purpose editing, whilst we write the main purpose of hard work of giving

84
00:06:52,610 --> 00:07:00,710
‫100 percent in our workplaces is to gain more money.

85
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:10,310
‫OK, so I've kind of actually added again to this short paraphrased sentence here, so I've made mine

86
00:07:10,310 --> 00:07:10,940
‫a bit longer.

87
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,520
‫The only reason to work hard is to earn money.

88
00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:21,350
‫Some people feel that the main purpose of giving 100 percent in our workplace or workplaces workplace

89
00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:27,050
‫maybe sounds better is to gain more money is to earn money to gain more money.

90
00:07:27,410 --> 00:07:32,240
‫I could maybe use a synonym for money is to gain more financial freedom.

91
00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:35,050
‫I don't think we have to change everything.

92
00:07:35,510 --> 00:07:36,920
‫I think that's perfectly fine.

93
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:44,770
‫OK, paraphrased sentence complete now onto plan in this essay.

94
00:07:44,780 --> 00:07:57,940
‫As always, I will give reasons and examples for why I disagree with this statement.

95
00:07:58,580 --> 00:08:01,350
‫Again, is always this plan.

96
00:08:01,370 --> 00:08:06,530
‫Sentence in our introduction paragraph is always very similar.

97
00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:13,880
‫So it's kind of a good sentence to have because it's pretty much always going to be accurate as long

98
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,530
‫as we stick to the plan to the formula that we have.

99
00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:19,690
‫OK, firstly.

100
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,820
‫Oh, firstly, first.

101
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:38,210
‫Firstly, I will discuss the benefits of self improvement self, the benefits of working hard, working

102
00:08:38,210 --> 00:08:42,020
‫hard on overall wellbeing.

103
00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:48,260
‫A nice word in a word that's also very popular in the last year or two.

104
00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:50,720
‫Overall wellbeing and self worth.

105
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:53,240
‫Self worth.

106
00:08:54,140 --> 00:09:14,210
‫And secondly, I will consider how working with focus can help other people achieve around us.

107
00:09:14,750 --> 00:09:18,880
‫OK, so that's kind of saying about helping others in charity here.

108
00:09:19,550 --> 00:09:20,470
‫Let's just read this back.

109
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:26,390
‫Firstly, I will discuss the benefits of working hard on overall wellbeing and self-worth.

110
00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:32,090
‫And secondly, I will consider how working with folks, working hard, working with focus, pretty much

111
00:09:32,090 --> 00:09:35,470
‫the same thing can help other people achieve around us.

112
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,100
‫I didn't say charity.

113
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,860
‫I suppose that is this statement here.

114
00:09:39,860 --> 00:09:41,420
‫But that's OK.

115
00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:45,020
‫I don't have to explicitly say everything now.

116
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:55,040
‫OK, so let's begin with my plan on self-improvement and building and developing skills.

117
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,520
‫So maybe I'll start with that self-improvement and skills.

118
00:09:58,670 --> 00:10:05,120
‫And then second, in supporting paragraph one, I'll talk about self-worth and overall wellbeing, that

119
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:14,900
‫feeling of satisfaction when we achieve something at work to begin with, to begin with, I feel that.

120
00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:16,670
‫So I'm already giving my opinion here.

121
00:10:16,670 --> 00:10:31,220
‫I feel that it is important to really give maximum effort at work, not just for money.

122
00:10:31,220 --> 00:10:35,480
‫I almost use bracket's not just for financial gain.

123
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:37,490
‫I use that phrase I discussed earlier.

124
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:44,930
‫I feel that it is important to really give maximum effort at work, not just for financial gain, but

125
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:47,060
‫also to.

126
00:10:47,190 --> 00:10:54,870
‫Develop your personal skills and understanding.

127
00:10:57,030 --> 00:11:03,270
‫So this learning journey that we can have to begin with, I feel that it is important to really give

128
00:11:03,270 --> 00:11:09,750
‫maximum effort at work, not just for financial gain, but also to develop your personal skills and

129
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:10,730
‫understanding.

130
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,990
‫It seems clear to me, a nice opening conjunction.

131
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:28,620
‫It seems clear to me that by trying new activities in our workplace, in our place of employment, trying

132
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:37,440
‫to avoid using work too often here and of course, checking the spellings as we go, it seems clear

133
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:45,000
‫to me that by trying new activities in our work, in our place of employment, we can really develop

134
00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:47,520
‫new skills.

135
00:11:48,870 --> 00:12:01,440
‫For example, for example, if a person tries hard to let me just consider this here.

136
00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:04,920
‫So we're talking about we can really develop new skills.

137
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,640
‫We can learn something new.

138
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:19,770
‫For example, if a person works hard on a task, let's use some brackets and gives 100 percent focus

139
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:20,220
‫to it.

140
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:30,290
‫So this bracket here is just showing off as something extra we we have in our English fluency locker.

141
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:41,310
‫If a person works hard on a task and gives 100 percent focus to it, then they will have the chance

142
00:12:41,670 --> 00:12:45,000
‫of gaining new knowledge.

143
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,520
‫It's almost what I said in the first sentence, my topic sentence.

144
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:59,820
‫But this just gives me the example here, just gives a bit more of a specific piece of understanding.

145
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:06,510
‫So I'm talking specifically, if you work hard on something and you focus on it, maybe we could even

146
00:13:06,510 --> 00:13:13,090
‫put this in italics, give you'll have the chance of gaining new knowledge.

147
00:13:13,110 --> 00:13:18,210
‫So that's really what I wanted to talk about in terms of learning new skills.

148
00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:22,920
‫And I was also talking about overall wellbeing, too.

149
00:13:24,210 --> 00:13:44,640
‫Furthermore, by by achieving, achieving something, achieving and completing work well in a person's

150
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,510
‫employment person.

151
00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:54,240
‫So we have our we have our apostrophe here for possession persons employment.

152
00:13:54,840 --> 00:14:06,420
‫By achieving and completing well in a person's employment, they will also gain a feeling of self worth.

153
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:09,540
‫OK, let's read this back.

154
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:16,590
‫So we're on to my second point of supporting paragraph one, which is talking about sort of self-worth

155
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:17,400
‫and well-being.

156
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:25,680
‫So not just for money, but working hard at work in our employment can just make us feel good.

157
00:14:26,130 --> 00:14:29,640
‫Maybe part of a community is something else that we could say to.

158
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:37,320
‫Furthermore, by achieving and completing work well in a person's employment, they can also gain a

159
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,660
‫feeling of self worth.

160
00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:49,090
‫In our modern societies, so I'm just going to add a bit of detail here and saying why wellbeing and

161
00:14:49,090 --> 00:15:03,040
‫self-worth is employer is important in our modern society's well-being is very important to allow people

162
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:08,840
‫to feel safe and part of a community.

163
00:15:09,670 --> 00:15:17,760
‫So I'm actually in this supporting sentence here, just giving a bit more information about self-worth.

164
00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:18,560
‫What is it?

165
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:25,270
‫So I'm still answering the question, but I'm in fact kind of almost explaining why I'm talking about

166
00:15:25,270 --> 00:15:25,570
‫this.

167
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:32,170
‫Furthermore, by achieving and completing work well in a person's employment, they can also gain a

168
00:15:32,170 --> 00:15:33,680
‫feeling of self-worth.

169
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:40,450
‫Why is that important in our modern society's well-being is very important to allow people to feel safe

170
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,610
‫and part of a community.

171
00:15:43,750 --> 00:15:44,670
‫OK, great.

172
00:15:44,890 --> 00:15:46,090
‫So I've got my topic.

173
00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:47,470
‫I've got my support.

174
00:15:47,470 --> 00:15:50,100
‫And I might just give a quick example here.

175
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:56,980
‫I'm not going to start with for example or for instance, I'm just going to jump straight into this

176
00:15:56,980 --> 00:16:14,740
‫and say there has been has been a huge rise in adult depression globally within the last 10 years.

177
00:16:16,110 --> 00:16:22,620
‫OK, so this is, again, just given a bit more detail about this, furthermore, by achieving and completing

178
00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:27,530
‫work well in a person's employment, they can gain a feeling of self-worth.

179
00:16:27,690 --> 00:16:33,940
‫And our modern society's well-being is very important to allow people to feel safe and part of a community.

180
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:39,630
‫There has been a huge rise in adult depression globally within the last 10 years.

181
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:48,990
‫And I think just to bring it back, just to try and come back to the question, because really this

182
00:16:48,990 --> 00:16:56,370
‫sentence here sort of is saying another example of why it's important to work hard, not just for money.

183
00:16:56,910 --> 00:17:00,330
‫And really these two sentences explain in a bit more detail.

184
00:17:00,330 --> 00:17:02,880
‫But just to bring it back to the question, I'll add a hyphen.

185
00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:06,990
‫There has been a huge rise in our depression globally within the last 10 years.

186
00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:15,840
‫And and success within work can have a positive affect on this.

187
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:21,810
‫A really nice piece of writing there, because we all sandwich the question.

188
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:27,930
‫So this is answering the question and this is explaining in more detail.

189
00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:30,610
‫And this is bringing it back to the question.

190
00:17:30,610 --> 00:17:38,460
‫It's almost sort of sandwiching the ideas here between this and this and giving more detail.

191
00:17:38,460 --> 00:17:40,110
‫Very nice structure.

192
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:44,310
‫OK, so let's jump into my supporting paragraph two.

193
00:17:44,460 --> 00:17:51,000
‫I might actually only give I might make this a little bit shorter because just looking at this, remembering

194
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:55,530
‫we want to aim for around 260 to 280 words is good.

195
00:17:55,710 --> 00:18:01,320
‫I'm not counting the words, but I'm just looking at this and using my experience to say if I was to

196
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:08,010
‫write another paragraph that was that long, we're probably going to be going well over 300.

197
00:18:08,010 --> 00:18:13,590
‫So I might keep this supporting paragraph three, maybe just a sentence short or so.

198
00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:15,710
‫Skip that last example at the end.

199
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:16,570
‫That's fine.

200
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:25,890
‫OK, so my second point to say why it's important to work hard, not other than just to consider money,

201
00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:28,980
‫was for charity and helping others.

202
00:18:28,990 --> 00:18:32,730
‫So I'll start with helping others first.

203
00:18:33,990 --> 00:18:47,070
‫In addition to this, in addition to this, by working hard, we can also really help others, other

204
00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:53,640
‫people with their problems to come to.

205
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:57,030
‫Pretty straightforward my topic sentence.

206
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:03,120
‫In addition to this, by working hard, we can also really help other people with their problems to.

207
00:19:05,130 --> 00:19:15,540
‫I'm just going to go back to the question again, as much as money is important to almost all people,

208
00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:25,380
‫helping others is a very noble task as well.

209
00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:32,460
‫Again, just revisiting the question, just to make sure that I'm answering this, the only reason to

210
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:33,930
‫work hard is to earn money.

211
00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:41,940
‫And actually I'm saying, yes, money is important, but helping others is a very noble task as well.

212
00:19:42,330 --> 00:19:48,330
‫As much as money is important to almost all people, helping others is a very noble task as well.

213
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:58,200
‫For instance, I haven't used that yet in and I'm going to use the call center in a call center, a

214
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,270
‫call center.

215
00:20:00,180 --> 00:20:11,060
‫People will call with a range of questions and inquiries, inquiries.

216
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:18,600
‫So I'm actually going to finish the sentence here and then I'm going to continue this kind of example.

217
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:26,910
‫For instance, in a call center, people will call with a range of questions and inquiries at staff

218
00:20:27,270 --> 00:20:37,500
‫at this work place can endeavor a nice piece of language, their endeavor to endeavor, I think.

219
00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:38,190
‫Is that correct?

220
00:20:38,190 --> 00:20:55,110
‫Endeavor to to solve any customer queries and can answer more calls if they intend to work very hard.

221
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,670
‫OK, let's just read this back.

222
00:20:59,420 --> 00:21:06,450
‫Let's go from here, for instance, in a call center, people will, shall we say, ring in.

223
00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:13,220
‫So we're not repeating call, for instance, in a call center, people will ring in a little bit informal,

224
00:21:13,220 --> 00:21:16,430
‫but it's OK with a range of questions and inquiries.

225
00:21:16,790 --> 00:21:23,090
‫Staff at this workplace can endeavor to solve any customer queries and can answer more calls if they

226
00:21:23,090 --> 00:21:25,190
‫intend to work very hard.

227
00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:28,120
‫So another reason to help more people.

228
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:33,530
‫I also mentioned charity as well as this.

229
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:50,780
‫We can consider charity as a very important consideration when working hard, when focusing, when giving

230
00:21:50,780 --> 00:21:51,740
‫one hundred percent.

231
00:21:51,740 --> 00:21:55,850
‫I use that again, giving 100 percent in our work.

232
00:21:57,590 --> 00:21:59,600
‫OK, let's read this back as well as this.

233
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:07,310
‫We can consider charity is a very important consideration when giving 100 percent in our work.

234
00:22:08,540 --> 00:22:14,270
‫Often this may lead to us.

235
00:22:14,330 --> 00:22:19,790
‫Often I want to say effort and diligence.

236
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:30,410
‫A nice piece of vocabulary may lead to us being more financially, financially financial.

237
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,120
‫Sorry, I'm spelling terrible here.

238
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:34,640
‫Financially successful.

239
00:22:36,940 --> 00:22:49,270
‫And in turn, this means and in turn this means we can give more to charity, not a bad idea here at

240
00:22:49,270 --> 00:22:49,650
‫the end.

241
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:58,320
‫So just in terms of charity, we've got more spare more spare finances to help and give more to charity.

242
00:22:58,570 --> 00:23:00,060
‫So let's just read this back.

243
00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:03,250
‫I think I'll make this my last sentence here.

244
00:23:03,260 --> 00:23:08,890
‫So really, when talking about charity, I've kind of summed it up in just two sentences instead of

245
00:23:08,890 --> 00:23:10,690
‫the usual three or four.

246
00:23:11,740 --> 00:23:18,190
‫As well as this we can consider charity is a very important consideration when giving 100 percent in

247
00:23:18,190 --> 00:23:19,180
‫our work.

248
00:23:19,900 --> 00:23:25,620
‫Often effort and diligence may lead us to being more financially successful.

249
00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:29,530
‫And in turn, this means we can give more to charity.

250
00:23:29,890 --> 00:23:31,150
‫Now, I've used a comma here.

251
00:23:31,150 --> 00:23:33,480
‫Some of you may be saying, well, you don't really need a comma.

252
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:39,270
‫I think that this is its own clause in itself, including that.

253
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,460
‫And so I'm going to put a comma in here.

254
00:23:42,460 --> 00:23:50,350
‫You could possibly argue, even with advanced native English writers, that it possibly doesn't need

255
00:23:50,350 --> 00:23:50,770
‫a comma.

256
00:23:50,770 --> 00:23:56,830
‫But I actually like it here, part of style to separate this clause.

257
00:23:57,790 --> 00:24:05,050
‫OK, so let's move on to the final paragraph, which is, of course, our conclusion.

258
00:24:05,260 --> 00:24:07,780
‫And I'm just going to do this in one sentence.

259
00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:13,600
‫I've really given my opinion all the way through, but I'm not going to write to conclude or maybe I

260
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,910
‫will use to as normal to conclude.

261
00:24:16,150 --> 00:24:27,110
‫There are many reasons that a person should work hard in their employment.

262
00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,820
‫I disagree my opinion.

263
00:24:32,830 --> 00:24:44,990
‫I disagree that money is the most important reason to give top effort at work.

264
00:24:45,700 --> 00:24:48,010
‫Straightforward, simple.

265
00:24:48,010 --> 00:24:51,720
‫And you can't disagree with the conclusion here.

266
00:24:51,970 --> 00:24:56,890
‫I've just sort of said to conclude there are lots of different pluses and minuses.

267
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,980
‫Pretty much always use this in a conclusion.

268
00:25:00,130 --> 00:25:05,020
‫And then I've just given my opinion so I could say, in my opinion, I disagree, but I'm just going

269
00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:10,780
‫to go straight in and say I disagree that money is the most important reason to give top effort at work.

270
00:25:11,020 --> 00:25:16,640
‫Or should I say the only reason probably would be a little bit better.

271
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:24,760
‫So let's just go back to that is the only reason to give to give top effort at work.

272
00:25:25,390 --> 00:25:28,090
‫OK, so that looks pretty good to me.

273
00:25:28,090 --> 00:25:34,600
‫And I think the last thing to do is, of course, if this was in the exam, I would go through and just

274
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:41,110
‫edit a little bit more, although it's always good to edit as you write, I'm going to say this is actually

275
00:25:41,110 --> 00:25:42,490
‫a little bit long.

276
00:25:42,940 --> 00:25:45,010
‫Let's just check the word count now.

277
00:25:46,780 --> 00:25:54,430
‫OK, so this is a yes, definitely a little bit long at around 350, three, five words.

278
00:25:54,430 --> 00:25:57,480
‫So maybe I should have cut it down a little bit.

279
00:25:57,490 --> 00:26:02,740
‫However, I did manage to write this well within the time limit.

280
00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:07,690
‫Of course, I've written a lot of these, so it's a little bit quicker for me.

281
00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:10,950
‫But yet pause the video, have a good read through.

282
00:26:11,140 --> 00:26:19,480
‫There's nothing wrong with spending reading through these sort of band nine essays and reports once

283
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,780
‫or twice a day for a week or two.

284
00:26:21,940 --> 00:26:28,150
‫Repetition and reading is super important and to be honest, I would in fact recommend that you maybe

285
00:26:28,150 --> 00:26:31,780
‫read, pause the video and read through twice.

286
00:26:32,020 --> 00:26:35,800
‫Have another look tomorrow, pause the video and read through a few more times.

287
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:43,630
‫Go back to those scripts and keep reading through and you'll find that through repetition and time that

288
00:26:43,660 --> 00:26:46,340
‫the structures will become more natural to you.

289
00:26:46,870 --> 00:26:50,170
‫OK, so I will see you in the next lesson.