Okay.
Everybody, in this lecture video, what we're going to be doing is taking a look at a general letter
by a student and then you'll be able to see how I edited it, how I made edits to the letter to make
corrections and improve the band score.
And then you can look at the revised changes.
So I've already taken a look at the letter and edited it, but here you can read what the letter is
about in terms of what the student is supposed to cover.
And so then after that you can actually read the letter that the student made.
This is the student's original draft of the letter.
And then after that, you can see the.
All the you see all that red in the letter.
So that's those are my questions about what he did and what I think he should have done to improve it.
And this one, the student really wasn't really giving a controlling idea of what each body paragraph
was about, and there were just many other things that needed to be done to really correct the letter
or to make it better.
And so these were my initial suggestions to the student about what he needed to do to really correct
the letter and improve the letter.
And, you know, you can stop the video here if you want to.
You can stop the video here if you want to actually read through it line by line and see what I did.
And then.
After that, we moved down and you can see the changes that I made after.
You see the changes that I made.
So these are the changes that I made from the from the students original letter they and my red line
edits and then the finalized version of what I would consider to be an upgraded general letter that
will receive an extremely high band score.
So again, the way it's starting out is we have the students original general letter.
Och.
That's the student's original general letter.
Then we have all of my edits and suggestions to the mistakes or problems and what could have been done
to improve the letter even better.
Okay.
And then after that, we move down into the revised letter with the changes and you can really see the
difference in terms of the language that's been being used, the adverbs that are being used, adjectives
that are being used, the sentence structure, all those kind of things really.
You should be able to notice how there's a lot of coherence, how each body paragraph is connected to
the next body paragraph, and that's really what good writing is.
So I hope this really helps you guys in terms of being able to see what you need to do in terms of being
able to improve your band score with the general letter.
So thank you very much and I'll talk to you again some bye.