1 00:00:00,630 --> 00:00:00,840 Okay. 2 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:07,020 Everybody, in this lecture video, what we're going to be doing is taking a look at a general letter 3 00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:13,800 by a student and then you'll be able to see how I edited it, how I made edits to the letter to make 4 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,370 corrections and improve the band score. 5 00:00:16,380 --> 00:00:18,900 And then you can look at the revised changes. 6 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:25,170 So I've already taken a look at the letter and edited it, but here you can read what the letter is 7 00:00:25,170 --> 00:00:27,930 about in terms of what the student is supposed to cover. 8 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:33,630 And so then after that you can actually read the letter that the student made. 9 00:00:33,630 --> 00:00:36,840 This is the student's original draft of the letter. 10 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:42,780 And then after that, you can see the. 11 00:00:44,070 --> 00:00:47,850 All the you see all that red in the letter. 12 00:00:47,850 --> 00:00:54,150 So that's those are my questions about what he did and what I think he should have done to improve it. 13 00:00:55,380 --> 00:01:01,170 And this one, the student really wasn't really giving a controlling idea of what each body paragraph 14 00:01:01,170 --> 00:01:09,900 was about, and there were just many other things that needed to be done to really correct the letter 15 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,150 or to make it better. 16 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:19,500 And so these were my initial suggestions to the student about what he needed to do to really correct 17 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:21,960 the letter and improve the letter. 18 00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:26,580 And, you know, you can stop the video here if you want to. 19 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:33,970 You can stop the video here if you want to actually read through it line by line and see what I did. 20 00:01:34,330 --> 00:01:35,560 And then. 21 00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:44,470 After that, we moved down and you can see the changes that I made after. 22 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,260 You see the changes that I made. 23 00:01:47,350 --> 00:01:55,510 So these are the changes that I made from the from the students original letter they and my red line 24 00:01:55,510 --> 00:02:04,090 edits and then the finalized version of what I would consider to be an upgraded general letter that 25 00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:06,670 will receive an extremely high band score. 26 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:15,760 So again, the way it's starting out is we have the students original general letter. 27 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:17,530 Och. 28 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,670 That's the student's original general letter. 29 00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:28,040 Then we have all of my edits and suggestions to the mistakes or problems and what could have been done 30 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,020 to improve the letter even better. 31 00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:32,240 Okay. 32 00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:42,060 And then after that, we move down into the revised letter with the changes and you can really see the 33 00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:48,690 difference in terms of the language that's been being used, the adverbs that are being used, adjectives 34 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:52,500 that are being used, the sentence structure, all those kind of things really. 35 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:58,500 You should be able to notice how there's a lot of coherence, how each body paragraph is connected to 36 00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:02,850 the next body paragraph, and that's really what good writing is. 37 00:03:03,930 --> 00:03:10,830 So I hope this really helps you guys in terms of being able to see what you need to do in terms of being 38 00:03:10,830 --> 00:03:15,720 able to improve your band score with the general letter. 39 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:21,390 So thank you very much and I'll talk to you again some bye.