So coming up next, problem for no sentence, variety or coherence.
You need range.
You have to be really conscious of this.
Do not write three simple sentence structures in a row.
Right.
Show your variety.
So if we look at this paragraph here, this is not a question.
It's actually a paragraph.
This paragraph is.
You know, first here result in cancer, cancer results in death, smoking a result in bad lungs.
The lungs are black.
Here we see what this is.
This is a simple sentence after a simple sentence example.
Right.
Simple sentence, simple sentence, simple sentence, simple sentence, if correctly written.
There are no grammar mistakes.
It's a perfect paragraph.
It's a perfect paragraph in terms of grammar.
It's perfect, but the level of writing is probably at a level at a four on the rubric.
Right.
The level of writing is a four on the rubric.
And the reason why is there's no sentence variety.
There's no sense of variety.
Also, we can see in this paragraph the person is missing a topic sentence.
There's no topic sentence in this paragraph.
So one exercise that I want you to pause and I want you to work on is I want you to look at this paragraph
and I want you to repair it because it's very it's very, very simple.
I want you to repair it.
I want you to put in a topic sentence.
I want you to I want you to use the information to create a compound sentence.
Put in a complex sentence.
Put in a sentence using a correlative conjunction, either both and or not only.
But also I want you to expand the reasoning about teeth, and I want you to use anti paraphrasing and
synonyms for repeated language.
And I want you to repeat replace any weak language.
So if you want a really good exercise in upgrading or writing a really good exercise and upgrading your
writing, go ahead and take 5 minutes.
Take 5 minutes and try to completely upgrade or repair this paragraph.
Doing all seven of the things that I mentioned below.
Once you have completed your entire paragraph, you're more than welcome to share it in the chat box.
Right?
But don't don't put it, don't put it.
Don't put it in the chat box sentence by sentence, complete your entire paragraph and then you can
put it in the chat box, but try to do these seven things and upgrade this paragraph.
So I'm going to I'm going to pause for 5 minutes and I'm going to give you 5 minutes to do this upgrade.
Right.
One reason that policymakers should ban smoking relates to the associated health risk.
So when a person reads that first sentence, they know we should ban smoking related to health risk.
A primary reason to forbid smoking relates to it's accelerating cancer, which leads to a major cause
of death.
Another smoking ban related consequence connects with deficient lungs since the tar turns them black
and reduces breathing capacity.
Outside of the two aforementioned health problems, smoking brings about damaged teeth.
According to most scientists, the gums are affected because smoking cause a lack of oxygen in the bloodstream.
So the affected gums don't heal.
Both poor, both poor eyesight and lower immunity derived from smoking.
So the government should disallow smoking to maintain optimal citizens eyesight and physical health
later in life.
This sentence has the topic sentence as a compound complex.
Expand the reasoning about teeth.
Put in a sentence using a correlative conjunction.
There's a lot of paraphrasing synonyms, lack of repeated language, and we're pleased we replace the
weak language.
Right.
This is an example.
And what Lin Vu did, Lin Vu did a good job also.
There's a difference between level 5 to 6.5 writing and level 7.5 to 8 to nine level writing.
There's a difference using weak verbs.
Again, this deals with upgrading your writing.
We have to stop using weak verbs.
We have to eliminate weak writing.
So each one of these sentences has a weak verb.
Right.
She is the manager of the account, is as a weak verb.
It's a basic level word verb.
It's a zero level English verb.
She is defending the border.
She defends the border.
The play is inspiring to all those who struggle with depression.
The display inspires those who struggle with depression.
The monster was of the dark tunnel creeping.
The monster crept down the dark tunnel.
After we do our assignment, let's do the let's do the English homework.
Number five.
Number five, on your own, you can type your sentence in the chat box.
Number five.
Replace those weak verbs.
Write doo doo.
As a weak verb was as a weak verb is as a weak verb.
Ah is was were have has having.
B being.
Those are all weak verbs.
Well, for number five.
Go ahead and replace those weak verbs with strong, accurate verbs.
Replace those weak verbs in number five with strong.
But if you're going to do it, write the whole sentence.
Don't just give me the verbs.
Right.
The whole sentence.
We have to complete our assignment.
Let's tackle, deal with, plunge into the English homework.
Right.
But upgrading your writing, scoring better.
Stop using weak verbs.
We have the same thing here.
It is my intention to transfer.
There were some important findings.
Right.
So, again, we have to replace the weak verbs.
How would you how would you.
How would you rewrite?
Number six, I intend.
Yeah.
When you engage in replacing weak verbs.
Something really great happens to your writing.
Right.
Something really good happens to your writing.
You write more concisely, you don't use as much functional language when you reduce your functional
language and write more concisely.
You score better.
The only way to do that is by eliminating weak verbs.
Right.
He struggled with the paper assigned by the professor.
The experiment resulted in some important findings.
Electric car technology existed as early as 1830.
So when you replace weak verbs, you're going to score better.
Oh, that's something you can do.
Upgrade your weak writing.
Here we have one, two, three, four simple sentences for simple sentences in a row.
All right.
What I want you to do is I want you to combine all of this into one sentence.
So when you're going through your own writing, right, when you're going through your own essays and
you're looking at your own essays, you should be going through them and upgrading your writing.
There's a there's an upgrade of number 11.
Here's an upgrade of number 12.
The restaurant suffers from a narrow parking lot with only a few cramped spaces.
Here's an upgrade of number 13.
And last we have.
An upgrade of number 14.
Right.
So being able to upgrade your writing.
Right.
And if you practice, the more you practice correcting your old writing, the more you practice correcting
your old writing and upgrading it, the better ability.
You're going to have to naturally do this the first time you write it without having to go back and
correct it.
But it starts with being able to go back and upgrade your own writing.
All right.
So next, I'm going to problem six passive voice.
I don't like the passive voice.
I don't know why you all insist on writing in the passive voice.
What's the problem with the passive voice?
Does anybody know the problem?
There are two reasons why.
Actually, Mansoura, you captured my number one problem.
Answer It creates wordy verbal sentences with a lot of unnecessary functional language.
The vast majority of university professors that teach writing will tell you, use the active voice,
right?
Use the active voice, you'll write better, you'll score better, you'll write more concisely.
When you do that, write.
These are the rules for using the passive voice.
Write emphasis on what happened, not who did it.
You don't know who did the action, who does it?
It's unimportant to stay or appear objective like I told you.
So that's the main reason.
Number four, to appear diplomatic.
But most people are not even.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, Linh Vu.
Task one, Lenovo.
I'm glad you mentioned that the Anvil task one is more related to a scientific process, right?
It's more of report writing.
So if you're using it in task one, that's okay.
But today I'm not talking about task one.
I'm talking about task two.
I'm talking about essay writing.
And Task One good question involved in task one is you should use it in task one, especially if you're
if you're doing the academic exam and you're looking at charts and graphs that's academic, scientific,
that's related to academic science, technical, logical, right.
The using it there is appropriate for academic task one.
But again, today, I'm talking about task to essay writing.
But good question, Leon.
Take one minute and write your sentence and try to change from the passive to the active voice.
All right, good job.
I could see a lot of you are doing it correctly.
All right.
There is number one revised into the active voice.
Number two.
Look, I want more concise.
It is.
All that extra language is gone.
And for the revised when you could just say for number four, the criminals stole the money, make it
even better.
All right.
Problem seven, low level of linking or over linking?
So sometimes I see things like this in a paragraph.
First.
Next.
Second.
Furthermore.
This is what we call low level thinking and sometimes overthinking.
For some reason, students think that I have to use these kind of words in every single sentence.
And that's not really I mean, that's that's okay.
But this is really an example of overthinking.
And you want to be able to use coherent language that connects the ideas together much better than this.
Again, if you go into any basic level English class, if you go into any basic level English class,
you will see the students using first, second, third, first, next, furthermore, first, second,
the same thing.
If you're doing the same thing as a basic level student, you're not writing at an advanced level of
English.
You're not fulfilling the goals of the rubric.
Right.
This is this is a paragraph with better linking.
Proper linking.
In short, by and large, along with this notwithstanding.
Right.
This is this is much higher level linking.
And also, it's not just using the same repeated pattern of first, second, third, first, second,
third, fourth.
Right.
So we have to learn how to do more proper linking and you'll score better.
Problem eight.
Unsupported claims and assertions.
This is an example of a paragraph that has unsupported claims and assertions.
Now on his face.
On his face, you all may look at this paragraph and say, Hey.
Hey, this looks pretty good.
Those who believe strongly in the role of genetics in determining future behavior can point to case
examples.
It is very common for the children of violent criminals to display some degree of abnormal behavior
as children and later in life.
In addition, genetic material from parents associated with traits generally low level intelligence,
poor diet, impulsivity and hyperactivity can be passed on to children.
The above reference claims then support to those favoring genetics as the main cause of criminal conduct.
Do you see the unsupported claim, unsupported assertion?
If you're writing this way and you're like, Why am I not going above a seven?
This first sentence right here to the second sentence, the first detailed sentence, it has to have
an additional sentence that explains it or extends it the second sentence.
Second sentence about getting genetic material for diet hyperactivity passed on the children is not
explained.
It's not extended.
How does poor diet relate to becoming a criminal?
How does hyperactivity relate to becoming a criminal?
If you're not, where is an example of abnormal behavior as a child being later seen as criminal behavior
in an adult?
It's not extended.
It's not explained.
When you're writing, do not write in a way where you have unanswered and unsupported claims and assertions.
That's something that is stopping you from getting the score that you want.
So this is what it means by to support your claims and support your assertions.
What you're looking at there is a proper high scoring paragraph.
All right.
Problem nine imprecise or no subject specific vocabulary.
Right.
Here's an example of a paragraph, an introduction.
And this introduction has really high scoring vocabulary.
Collocations.
More advanced grammar structure.
Correct use of idiomatic expressions.
Every man for himself.
Proper style.
Helping their neighbor.
The following essay signaling the direction we're going to take.
Right.
So this introduction has high scoring vocabulary, precise vocabulary.
And again, when you look at it, it's only three sentences.
It's only three sentences.
But it's about what you do within those three sentences.
Writing more.
Five, six, seven sentences.
Is not going to score better than somebody that writes three sentences this way.
Because examiners can see the skill level.
That's your goal when you're writing.
They need to see the skill level.
Here's an example of this the body paragraph with precise high scoring language, wealth distribution,
higher sense of well being less economically fortunate.
Those are all really great collocations when people can use proper collocations.
Then you score really, really well.
Right.
Social ends.
This is an example of less common expressions.
For some reason, students think less common expression means use some very ridiculous vocabulary word
that nobody uses.
Less common expressions deals with manner of expressions.
Not ridiculous vocabulary that's never used.
Economically challenged variation of the language, leveling the playing field.
All right.
That's a idiomatic expression, properly used.
Rich and poor alike, more sophisticated than both.
So again, this is an example of what we mean by subject, specific vocabulary and high scoring vocabulary
collocations.
Delicate matter of expressions.
That's what you want to be able to use.